


Sometime, Somewhere

by AX0L0TLS



Category: Homestuck
Genre: F/M, Oh well I tried, Sadstuck, Unrequited Love, i don't even really know sorry??, not so sure on how to tag things
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-05-18
Updated: 2015-05-18
Packaged: 2018-03-31 02:58:03
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,065
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3961861
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AX0L0TLS/pseuds/AX0L0TLS
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>When he looked at you, he looked at you with an emotion that you couldn't describe.  It made you sad, it made you angry.  But, over all, it made you love him even more. You wanted to improve his life.  You wanted to fill the hole that all of his faults gave him.  However, despite the fact that you wanted to help him, you couldn't.  Over time, this became clearer to you than it ever was.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Sometime, Somewhere

**Author's Note:**

> hah a haa this is my first fic so sorry for any errors!! /w\
> 
> i'm not so sure about the mechanics of dream bubbles, so my apologies if i messed anything up. feel free to point any issues out!! this is just a drabble, so i didn't really spend too much time on this. hope y'all like!!

Every single day, you watched. It started out as noticing the little bits, like how he paused after he said a sentence as he doubted his own words. You noticed how he hesitated after asking questions, even if they were rhetorical, dripping-with-sarcasm questions. You even noticed how he would flinch when someone questioned him, even if it was just a furrow of the brow or a scratch behind the ear. But, most of all, you noticed the way he folded in on himself at the end of the day; escaping the torments that plagued him. You wanted to help, you really, really did, but you knew that he would never let you get close.

Sometimes, you would pipe up and tell your friends what you really thought. Your outbursts were sudden, and they surprised the others. No one ever thought that you would be one to speak up and defend yourself the way you did, but then again, you grew up as a huntress. You practically ruled the small, dense forest that you lived in, but it was as if the others had selective memory loss and forgot that you hunted beasts three times your size to live. It wasn't really fair, but honestly, you didn't care what they thought. You still spoke out, of course, but mostly you cared about what he thought of you.

His thoughts weren't exactly friendly, but at least he thought _something_ about you. It hurt to hear the love of your life to call you dumb, and even disabled, when you were just, _different_. You were- and still are- too upset to lash out that time. However, deep down, you knew that he did this because of his insecurities. He thought that he was a high-and-mighty "god," of all things, but he couldn't fool anyone. He doubted everyone around him, and he doubted himself. He was a burden to his own soul, and he didn't need you on top of all that.

So, over time, your feelings began to change. They switched frequently, sometimes twice in just an hour. You began to pity him; you began to hate him. You began to hate yourself for hating him; you began to pity yourself for pitying him. It was a vicious cycle, and it ate at you. Thankfully, you had Equius to help, but the thought that he looked down on you canceled out all of the warmth that your moirail showed you.

You knew that he was aware of your feelings, and the fact that he simply decided to ignore them made you angry. The least he could do was simply reject them, but he refused to acknowledge them, even! It burned your bright, red feelings into darker, sodden maroon. You didn't know what to do, so you simply pretended that your one-sided quadrant confusion was still red. It wasn't, though, but you tried not to focus on it. It wasn't a nice thing to dwell on, so why even bother?

And then, after a while of not speaking to him, you realized that you were drawn to his insecurities. You wanted to make him feel _better_ , and you wanted to _complete_ him. You loved him with all of your heart, even if he didn't feel the same way. You continued to watch him, but you noticed the sadder, more private things this time. He was lost, but you knew that you weren't the one that was supposed to find him. That was someone else's job, not yours. Maybe one of the human's, or maybe even one of the troll's. But, no matter how bad you wanted it to be yours, it would never, ever be your job. Maybe somewhere else in an alternate timeline, but not this one. It wouldn't be, and it couldn't be. That wasn't the way it worked.

The two of you continued not speaking for a while, even when _it_ happened. You died, and your ghost was left to drift in the ghost-world-place. Dream bubbles, you think. Honestly? You weren't too sure about it. You were deceased, and others weren't. Your spirit was in a lot of different bubbles at once, and every once in a while, the living would come to join the party of the dead. It was strange.

Sometimes, you and him would meet. It was either with the alive version of him, or with one of the countless dead hims. However, when it was with the alive one, he would say sorry. No big deal, you would reply, shrugging your shoulders. He would shake his head, and walk away. It was either a "sorry," a "sorry that you died," or nothing at all. When it was nothing, he would glance over at you, then walk away. That was okay, though. When you died, it was as if a burden was lifted off of your shoulders and thrown into the sea. You were okay, because you didn't have the weight of staying alive holding you down.

Over time, you eventually lost most of your feelings for him. You didn't talk to him anymore, and he drifted away like a lot of things. Instead, you continued on in the afterlife, hanging out with others. When the two of you made eye contact, it was short-lived. He would glance over at you, and you would quirk a brow. Then, he would look away. The two of you had solved your problems, despite the lack of action taken.

However, even if you weren't going to be together in many different places, you knew that somewhere, the two of you were much more successful. Somewhere, sometime, you were happy with him, and he was happy with you. You didn't know what kind of relationship that your alternate self had with him, and you didn't care. The only thought that mattered to you was that you-- no, _he_ \-- was happy. You would think about this often, even if you weren't as interested in gaining his love like before.

But, that wasn't the case with you now. You weren't close to him at all, in this place, and you had no desire to make any changes. It wouldn't work out, and he would still be lost.

That was alright, though. He would find someone else here, to fill the gaping hole in his soul. In this place, you weren't that person, and you would never be that person.


End file.
